My pastor’s sermon focusing on Joseph’s story made me think of Mary’s story depicted in the movie, ‘The Nativity Story’. My pastor speculated how crushed and betrayed Joseph must’ve felt when he found Mary pregnant. Back then being engaged means you are practically married and both families have approved the union. It’s was a serious commitment. In the movie, you can see Joseph’s anguish. You also see how much Mary risked by agreeing to do God’s will. Think about it – she agreed to get pregnant when she was already betrothed to someone else whom she loved and respected. She risked not only her life but her security, reputation and future. She gave all that she had to do the Lord’s will. Wow. She was only a teenager too. I wondered how and when she told Joseph. Was her pregnancy showing and so she had no choice but to explain? Did she feel nervous and fearful? Was she crushed when Joseph turned away not believing her story and deciding to divorce her? You see, these are the thoughts I have when I consider how my husband is going to react when he finds out about my blogging and how radically I’ve changed inside. Will he believe me when I tell him that the Holy Spirit prompts me to write and to keep on sharing? I do not know how and when my husband will find out but surely he will one day. Like Mary, God will provide me the strength and grace to get through it.

Couple of years I saw an interview of a pastor who’s ministry is to the persecuted churches. He was reporting on the conditions of our brothers- and sisters-in-Christ who live in great danger because of their belief in Jesus Christ. In some hostile countries christianity is illegal. You are thrown into jail as a felon because of your belief in Jesus Christ! We, in the western world have little idea how much they suffer and the huge cost of following Christ for them. Like Mary, they give all they have to the Lord. The pastor said this is a mystery of the Holy Spirit – some are called to openly confess Jesus Christ and then are ostracized or even killed by their family and friends; some are called to keep their faith a secret and continue to remain in their environment. In both cases he has witnessed great fruit for God’s glory.

In the first year of my renewed faith, my husband was getting very concerned about my belief and faith. I wasn’t even pushing my beliefs on him or the kids because he was so hostile. There was one day when in anger and fear, he exclaimed that he no longer can tolerate my early morning prayers and that he is done. I was so shocked to hear this but I remember by the end of day I believed the Lord was releasing me from my marriage. I was scared but I knew that God will take care of me and the kids. As I was beginning to turn my shock and sorrow into rejoicing, my husband came to me at the end of the day and humbly apologized. He stopped giving me a hard time about my early morning prayers or attending my church’s small group weekly. He has been working hard to understand me and grow in tolerance. Praise the Lord!

Now for the first time I feel led to introduce my husband to other Christian husbands. I’m thinking of inviting couple of families over for dinner. The Lord gave me peace about inviting two specific families. Please pray for the plans to work out well and that my husband’s heart and mind will be open to receive. Thank you so much for your prayers!

Like the pastor said in his interview, the Holy Spirit works in mysterious ways. His ways can be hard to comprehend for us. But looking back in my own life the past four years I can honestly say that I did my very best to follow His ways. It was not comfortable but I surely have matured and grew much in wisdom and discernment.

I’ll end my blog here. Please pray for me and I’ll continue to pray for you too. Thank you! -From the heart with love.

Isaiah 55:8-9 (NLT)

8 “My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord.

“And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.

9 For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.

John 3:7-8 (MSG)

“So don’t be so surprised when I tell you that you have to be ‘born from above’—out of this world, so to speak. You know well enough how the wind blows this way and that. You hear it rustling through the trees, but you have no idea where it comes from or where it’s headed next. That’s the way it is with everyone ‘born from above’ by the wind of God, the Spirit of God.”