As a teen I went through a period of having an eating disorder. I didn’t know at the time that there was a name for it – anorexia. It came on suddenly and then I was hooked. I remember it was very rewarding to not eat, gave me a sense of great accomplishment and made me feel worthy. Going on the scale as my pounds dropped rewarded my sacrifice. I’m 5’4″ and when I finally went down to 99 I was so happy, excited and proud. It’s a sick disorder. 

It a fast dangerous slippery slope to an eating disorder, and so whenever fasting and praying was encouraged in the Christian community I’d excused myself. Plus I never felt any urging from the Lord to do any fasting. The few times I did try because of a friend’s urging it did nothing for me except bring back poor memories. That is until now. 

After watching my Jewish in laws fast for Yom Kippur all these years, their fasting this year particularly disturbed me the most. For the first time I saw how much pride there was to their fasting especially as they are getting older and less healthy. Their fasting was done to carry on tradition and made them self-righteous, but it did nothing to change their hearts or ways to true repentance. Another disturbing thing that I witnessed at the synagogue was when the congregation was reading from their holy book for Yom Kippur, I saw that the pronoun for “he” was changed to “they” from Isaiah 53! They only used verses 7 and part of 8 so that it’ll imply only to the persecution and suffering of the Jewish people throughout the ages as we read on about the Roman oppression, the Crusaders, and the Holocaust. I wonder if the group of rabbi scholars who put this book together knew what they were doing. How did they justify doing this??!!

The next day I met a dear friend for coffee. We scheduled this a long time ago. As soon as she sat down the book she gave me was about ‘fasting and praying’. I thought “ugh!”, especially being more turned off to fasting after what I saw just yesterday. However because I respect our friendship, and know her devotion and commitment to Jesus Christ I was going to read it with an open mind and heart. Haha, the book got me at the first chapter! I’m not even finished with the book and I’m already fasting! 

Please pray for me as I fast and pray for how long I can’t say. I’m led to fast from eating until noon. I wake up around five to pray and do devotions so it’s a long morning but I’ve been given the grace to do this. Yesterday after noontime passed, I heard a familiar but wrong voice telling me to keep on fasting. Because I was busy and a bit overwhelmed with PTO charity drive that I’m organizing I thought it was from the Lord. Then the next couple of hours I was feeling self centered and self accomplished of not eating longer than what the Holy Spirit asked of me, and challenging myself how long I can go on without eating. Suddenly I realized around two o’clock that I was being led astray by a wrong but familiar voice. I knew this voice from my teen years! Immediately I grabbed a banana and then ate some more food. The wrong but familiar voice condemned my eating and made me feel terrible. But after 10 minutes or so it left. 

Please pray for me as I obey the leading of the Holy Spirit to fast. That I will be very careful to not go longer in my fasting. Right now it’s until noontime. I haven’t been given instruction on when to end it yet. Thank you so much for your support and prayers! With love from my heart. 

FYI – The book that I’m reading is called,”God’s Nuclear Power – Fasting and Praying” by Steven Brooks. 

Update on my fast – thank you for your prayers! My fast lasted about a week. I asked one morning, “Holy Spirit, please let me know when to end my fast. I will do what you lead me to do.” Around 11am that same day, I was at a supermarket and they were giving out free food samples. Without thinking, I grabbed it! Once I realized this, I was about to throw it out but then I felt great peace to eat the delicious sauteed cauliflower sample and to break my fast. So I did. 🙂 This successful fasting experience taught me that I can trust our Holy Trinity even in my old areas of great pain and weaknesses. Amen!