Whether I like it or not, I have a very quick perception about the mood of an environment or about a person. The Korean word for this is “눈치” and I have a fast one. I’d wish my 눈치 was less sensitive and then I’d be a happier and more carefree person.

Last night I was thinking to myself why I have a fast 눈치. Then I heard the Holy Spirit saying to me “it is because you need it.” Then I realize that this is a gift and I can utilize my 눈치 well for the glory of God and His kingdom work.

I have been blind copying the pastors in my church with my email messages to the prayer groups. It was mainly because I wanted to be accountable especially about the end-times biblical prophecies that I was sharing with the ladies. If I was really off then I’d figure they would reach out to me. And also I wanted to share with them the tsunami of destructions that were happening to our youth during the pandemic. So that they can pray and also prepare themselves and the church.

Last Sunday when I went to church, one female pastor that I ran into was friendly enough but her eyes were cool. She used to be very warm to me in the past. I haven’t seen her in a year and half so you’d think she’d be warmer and enthusiastic as I was about seeing her. One pastor looked away and walked past me when I gave him a big smile and waved at him. Fortunately another pastor was warm and we chatted well. To test my 눈치, I emailed two other pastors, thanking one for her sermon and that I’d be praying for her upcoming childbirth. And to our lead pastor, I emailed him that I’m praying for his healing and recovery from an ankle injury. I heard nothing back from both. I understand they are busy but I have emailed them both in the past and they can reply back quickly.

I have been praying about leaving my church for so long and after last Sunday’s experiences I am finally given permission to leave. I need a pastoral staff that supports me fully especially in the new academic year. I have a toxic PTO co-president to work with. She blind-sighted me and tried to pressure me to give up my position. She has no right to do this and I got other top leaders involved. It’s been difficult to work with her the last two academic years and if it wasn’t for God’s clear call for me to remain in the high school as a PTO co-president, I’d would’ve left already or given in to her pressure. Right before this unexpected battle, the Holy Spirit made it loud and clear to me that I must remain in my position. What a great unexpected battle it was. The enemy wants me out and he just manipulated her against me. I’m trying not to take it personally but it’s very difficult since she is a difficult person to work with. We are working on some PTO things right now and Lord, help me! Please pray for me and our working relationship. This is her last academic year since her youngest is graduating. After she leaves, I’m going to make many good changes in the PTO!

Before she was strategizing to pressure me to step down, she was distant and cool towards me at a workshop, and I sensed her mood quickly. I tried to ignore it but I am learning that perhaps I shouldn’t ignore the warnings anymore. Why? Because I need to know who my supporters are and who has shifted their minds about me and no longer supportive. This is important skill to have to prepare for the battles ahead. I also need a pastoral staff that supports me fully for the work ahead in the new academic year at the PTO and for the prayer group. Both are spiritual battlegrounds. Additionally, I have a teenager son entering high school and a daughter entering college. Her mental state and anger/stress management concern me. She’s very angry towards my husband and rarely talks to him. Navigating them through their tension is very stressful on me. She was talking to a therapist for couple of months but decided that it was not helpful and stopped working with her and does not want to try another therapist.

When she dropped her therapist, I was crying and calling out to God about this situation, and then the Holy Spirit led me to this photo plaque on my vanity table. My mom gave it to me several years ago. These are to be my instructions for my daughter.

I told my prayer co-leader, Yadi yesterday about my experiences and she was not surprised. She’s been attending our church longer than I have, and her children were active participants in the youth ministries since they were little. She understands well the coolness of some pastors in our church. I told her that I’m leaving our church for a year, almost like a sabbatical. I’ve been attending there for over ten years and serving as a group leader for 8 years straight. I need a break too. I plan to visit area churches and see where the Holy Spirit leads me. Perhaps I’ll be sent back to my old church again. I have planted many hours of prayers for this church leading a women’s prayer group for five years. It’ll be so nice to see fruit come out of the much seeded ground in prayer. Now it’s God who will make the seeds grow.

“It’s not important who does the planting, or who does the watering. What’s important is that God makes the seed grow.” – 1 Corinthians 3:7

As for the two prayer groups that I have been leading, I will consolidate them into one, under the moms-in-prayer group. Since we both no longer have children in our town’s school and we’ll be expanding our prayers to our children’s universities too; I will also rename our prayer group to reflect this expansion. My co-leader was fine with this change. She’s hoping that I’ll come back since she is still staying. (Her husband wants to stay.) We used to alternate the weeks in prayer, so one week we’d pray for the children and their schools; and then another week for the church and community/country matters. Now we’ll be praying weekly for the children and schools. We both feel that the youth and the school administrators will need our prayers weekly in the new academic year.

I will share tactfully my recent experiences and my decision to leave for a year, with the pastor who is in charge of community group leaders. I like him a lot, he is humble and he is always encouraging. I’m sure he’ll be disappointed about my leave. I am a great asset for the women’s ministry and prayer intercessory for the church.

Another thing about using my 눈치 for God’s work is that I can also quickly perceive when a person changes their mind about me. They can go from hostile to being a supporter, and then I can rely upon them in the battlefield without hard feelings. It is a very important skill to learn – to forget the offenses quickly so that we can work together and advance the kingdom of God. Unity is very powerful and has great blessings too. We need all hands on deck. I’m learning to accept and use my fast 눈치 to discover quickly who I can bring in closer in the battlefield.

Psalm 144:1 (VOICE) – Blessed be the Eternal, my rock. He trains my hands for war, gives me the skills I need for battle.

8/9 – Fortunately by the grace of God, I did not share my recent experiences with the lead pastor and the pastor that I report to. Instead I explained that I needed a more Holy Spirit-led Sunday church experience in order to do the work assigned to me throughout the week. And that perhaps I will be lead back after this year. They were both very gracious, understanding and kind. My heart loves this church and I pray that I will come back again with greater anointing and faith to serve. Right now I need to be carried through my struggles at home, especially with my daughter.