“In the essentials unity, in the non-essentials liberty, in all things charity,” – Saint Augustine

Just as our bodies have many parts and each part has a special function, so it is with Christ’s body. We are many parts of one body, and we all belong to each other. – Romans 12:4-5

In the past two years, I have debated in my mind and fluctuated in my opinions about so many issues in politics, policies, women’s rights, race and social justice issues, biblical thoughts on female pastors, church role in culture and politics, vaccine and mask mandates, sexuality, transgendering, etc. I think everyone has.

I am coming to the conclusion of Saint Augustine that all these issues and topics are nonessentials. Meaning it’s not worth severing our relationships over, especially with the members in the body of Christ. I really appreciate the Christian body who are bold enough to get involved in politics and talk about it from the pulpit. Their sharing helps me tremendously to process my thoughts. Nevertheless, it’s not good to cut ties with a believing friend who has a different opinion on these passion-filled topics. Why? Because we all need one another, especially during the battlefield of our personal storms and spiritual warfare when advancing God’s kingdom in hostile places.

I’ve seen too many people and believers who sever their relationships with other believers and family members over nonessentials, including inheritance, money and even holiday get-togethers. The only side that wins in our division is Satan.

Recently, I met with a friend who left our church several years ago. We co-led a Bible study together for couple of years. I don’t know fully what happened, but after I left the Bible study to lead a women’s prayer group; this Wednesday Bible study group fell apart. I know their topic that semester was on biblical social justice. After, both co-leaders did not come back to lead the women’s Bible study. Both of them left PAC and went elsewhere too. Sadly, this Wednesday morning women’s Bible study group stopped existing in our church after so many years of the baton being passed successfully to another whenever a leader left.

I have tried many times to overlook my friend’s need to correct me. Perhaps she sees herself as my older guardian. Anyway last time she corrected me, I responded back honestly. She was very surprised. And so we decided to meet in person to talk things through. When we met in person, I told her that if she wants to correct someone to do it in-person or by phone, not by email and text. I think this policy is generally a very good practice for everyone to follow. Because by the time you make the appointment to talk, already many days have passed and after time in prayer, it will reveal to you that it’s a nonessential. I’m not sure how close we will ever be but it’s a good thing to not sever our relationship over nonessential topics. I think she had an issue with me sharing a Dr Ben Carson’s message. He’s a believer who got involved in politics after being a very successful neurosurgeon. After listening to few of his messages I believe that he has been called by God into the world of politics. Why would he go into this nasty field after a long time in medicine as a well-loved successful neurosurgeon? Sadly, opinions of Donald Trump still seem to divide believers. In my opinion, he is a nonessential topic and so we should not sever our relationship over our opinions about him. Who knows? Perhaps God is testing his children and seeing if we can put unity over our differences. Do we want the relationship or do we want to be right?

President Theodore Roosevelt said “No one cares how much you know, unless they know how much you care.” This is very wise saying. I tend not to hear a correction or suggestion without love being demonstrated first. I think when you email or text someone a criticism or correction, then that’s too easy and you are only helping yourself; love is not being demonstrated to the other. Making the time to meet, asking how they are doing and listening first show that you care. After all this, then you can add your suggestions with humility and encouragement.

Sometimes as a leader in the church, people think I can be their dumping center or that I should handle their criticisms. I think I’ll need to share more openly that my marriage with a nonbeliever is extremely difficult. Having teenagers are very tough too. Despite these daily pressures, I’m doing what the Lord wants me to do by leading in the church community. I told my friend that I’m doing the best that I can and that it would be nice to receive encouragements from her, not just correction and criticism. I also told her that things are very tough for me and so I can not have too many critics around me. I think I would’ve been less forthright if my friend didn’t annoy me that morning. First she texted me that she was running late; then when I was there waiting, she texted me again that she’s even more late; I called her and said let’s just reschedule our meeting which she agreed; then once I left she texted me again, asking me to please meet her and that she’s almost there; once I turned around and arrived again she wasn’t there yet. Sigh. Perhaps I wasn’t supposed to overlook her offense this time but rather share my home struggles, experiences with her and offer my advice – never email or text a criticism but share this in person or by phone.

I don’t think she received my criticism well but God can change her mind if there’s good truth to my advice. However our relationship is still in tact. Our bridge is still functional. That’s all that I can ask for. I’m getting to a point where I accept that sometimes that’s okay. Not everyone is supposed to be in my inner circle. Our core essential beliefs are the same and that’s all I need to know to maintain our relationship.

“In the essentials unity, in the non-essentials liberty, in all things charity,” – Saint Augustine. What are the essentials? I believe it is “The Apostle’s Creed.”