My family is at an all inclusive resort in Mexico for winter break and we are pretty miserable. Howard wanted to come here despite the Omicron COVID. Alex’s binge eating and purging has been horrendous at this vacation. Perhaps it’s worse here since the food is so good and all paid for. Seeing her binge eating and excusing herself to purge is a nightmare.

This afternoon as I was drinking away my sorrows; I prayed and asked God to help me to retain my feeble puny faith. I also asked God why the heck did He get my hopes up with the SyroPhoenician woman’s story from the Bible and also having us experience Alex’s former self for a month or so. Did I hear and perceive wrong? I don’t know. Hope deferred makes a heart sick. My heart feels very sad and sick right now.

Despite my confusion and discontent, like Peter, I said, “where would I go? You have the words of life.” One thing I asked in prayer is that God will take my life earlier if I can’t handle the stress and pressure of holding onto my faith. I don’t ever want to walk away from Jesus Christ like I did in my youth. Unbelief is deadly and kills believers.

I don’t know what is going to happen with Alex. How can we send her back to college in this destructive state? Holy Spirit, please help us. I don’t know what to do. Jesus, please help us.

^{John 6:65-69 (ESV)} – After this many of his disciples turned back and no longer walked with him. So Jesus said to the twelve, “Do you want to go away as well?” Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life, and we have believed, and have come to know, that you are the Holy One of God.”

Proverbs 13:12 (AMP) – Hope deferred makes the heart sick, But when desire is fulfilled, it is a tree of life.

12/28 – The Lord has been very gracious and caring. His sweet presence and Word have been encouraging and feeding me to keep my eyes focused on Him and on God’s promises. Yes Lord, one day at a time.

An encouragement for those going through the valley of shadow of death. Author reminds us that we are going through this valley and it will be behind us one day. https://ifapray.org/blog/intercessors-youre-going-through/