Summertime is usually a season where I catch up with friends, self-study a Bible book or theme, catch up on books that I’ve been wanting to read and do a good amount of reflection of my past academic year. Just like our children who get their report cards at the end of the year, please carefully and prayerfully look at your grades in relationships and any work done as a follower of Jesus Christ.
I think from all the relationships, marriage is the hardest one because you cannot take a break in your interactions with your spouse. Work peers, tough boss or even your teenager, parents and in-laws, you can take a break but not from your spouse.
I shared with you while back an extensive national study (pre-Covid) reported that Evangelical Christians have the highest divorce rates than any other religions in our country. Knowing this fact, I think it’s smart to acknowledge that we, as Evangelical Christians have a greater chance of divorce than the national rate which is at 50%. And if you think your chance of divorce is lower in your second marriage, think again. It’s been documented that divorce rates go up higher at 60-65% in your second marriage, and then by the third marriage, rate is at 70-75%.
We can delve into the “whys” behind these divorce statistics. Right now, I just want to share the realities with you so that if you are married or getting married soon, then you can be prepared. Since post-Covid, I keep reading news reports that divorce rate is higher nationally.
I ask you to really work on acquiring biblical knowledge and support for your marriage this summer if it has been difficult and painful the last two years. Don’t forget I am the only believer in my family. So, I think my home situation is much harder than many of you who have a believing spouse and/or children. This is also why I’ve acquired lots of knowledge about God’s thoughts on marriage, and to have His long-term and eternal view.
If you feel like you failed or struggled in your marriage relationship this past academic year, here are good resources for you to study this summer. Hang in there. Please read these articles about marriage, and dig deeper by reading their books or listening to their podcasts.
1. Toni Nieuwhof is a family law attorney who along with her pastor husband, Carey are willing to share about their very hard seasons in their marriage. Please read this article and there will be links to other resources by them.
2. Well-known and respected pastor, Tim Keller with his wife wrote a book together about cultivating a healthy Christian marriage. Please read their interview and see if their book is a right one for you.
3. Stormie O’Martian’s prayer books are excellent. I’ve used her “Power of the Praying Wife” book many times. She shares lots of advice along with powerful prayers to pray at the end of each chapter. Her prayers are the best part. Please consider buying her book and using it to pray for your husband this summer. Warning ⛔️ in your first time reading her book, you will be offended often. So, pray beforehand that you will finish her book until the very end, no matter what. She wrote a book for husbands too. One day I would like to look through this book to see if she is as tough with them as she is with the wives. Haha. God’s Word is “tough-love”. https://www.amazon.com/Power-Praying%C2%AE-Wife-Stormie-Omartian/dp/0736957499
I think if you can master your marriage relationship well, then all other relationships can come easily since you can always take a nice long break from everyone else. What if you are blessed with an easy-going and lovable spouse? Praise Jesus everyday! But I think God will send other abrasive people in your life to sand off your rough edges. It’s one of those lessons that we cannot run away from. So please study hard and pray a lot beforehand so that you can pass your quizzes and tests in these difficult relationships.
By the way, I’ll try to look for that older study report on divorce rates in USA and share it with you again. It was at a time when Evangelical Christians were in the spotlight by secular news. I think our group is in the spotlight again these days. Let’s try hard to be on our best behavior and speech amongst nonbelievers.
One more thing, many people think that living together before getting married is a smarter decision – try out a “beta” version of their relationship before an official commitment. Studies showed that divorce rate is much higher for these couples than those who never lived together before getting married.
Currently, there are so many divisive issues in our country that can break up a marriage, family relationships and close friendships. Listen carefully to the Holy Spirit and see if you should be discussing these issues or be actively involved in a rally or a cause. Since Howard and I have many differences in our opinions on hot topics, I have to carefully navigate around land mine topics in order to maintain peace and unity in our marriage. If you have questions on how to do this, please reach out to me. I’d be happy to share in-person or by phone. I’ve been listening to pastor Carter Colon’s older sermons from 2010. I really enjoy every single one. This one about biblical humility was excellent. It brought memory of the time when I heard from the Holy Spirit that if I remain humble then God will supply me with continuous grace. However if I become proud, then God will oppose me to bring me back to humbleness in order to richly supply me with His grace again. I really try hard to be humble for this reason. I need God’s grace every minute! Life is too, too hard without God’s grace. http://sermons.tsc.nyc/the-humble-will-be-lifted-up/
If you have adult children who are struggling in their marriage or have gotten divorced, pray about sharing these resources with them. I don’t mind you sharing. I want them to be successful in their current marriage or be prepared for the next marriage ahead of time.
Harvest ministry has many free ebooks. There is one called “Marriage on the Rock” that is an excellent read. https://harvest.org/resources/explore-resources/
God bless your studies this summer!
Journal of Faith 