A mom friend that I’ve been praying with throughout this summer shared this phrase “care without despair” with me yesterday. She was anxious about her teenager son, his lack of discipline and being wasteful of his time; then this phrase came into her mind. Oh Lord, it is very, very difficult to “care without despair” about our struggling and wayward children – especially when they are living at home with us.

I didn’t think it was a good idea to go away for two weeks this summer to Europe with Alex’s eating disorder and treatment happening with the new therapist and dietitian once home. With Howard it’s very difficult to sway his mind and so I don’t bother to challenge him when he seems determined to do something. It’s a futile effort.

Alex’s binging and purging is intensifying as we are preparing to leave on Sunday for Italy. I spoke with her therapist and dietitian who both agreed that now is not the time to confront her. They want us to talk to her once we are back home and they will address it with her once home. However once we get back home, in another two weeks she leaves for Indiana University and then starting back with her previous dietitian in Indiana and a new therapist there. (Her former therapist dropped her saying they do not work well together. The restriction that one can not see a therapist from another state needs to be changed. From what I’ve heard the mental health professionals are working on this petition but who knows when this will happen.)

I have been thinking about today’s church in America and how in most churches, we have no power even to deliver and set free our own people. In today’s Saturday TSC prayer at 5:30am another lady was praying passionately for the outpouring of the Holy Spirit on the body of Christ and how she is so tired of our lack of power as the world is heading straight to hell. As she was praying and praying, I saw Lazarus from the Bible. He was dead, bound up from head to toe and put into his grave cave with a heavy stone set on the entrance. I thought hey that is the body of Christ, we are Lazarus.

So with the puny faith that I have in my despair, I asked God to have mercy on His people and to make us alive again and to set us free. Satan did a very good job binding us up well and tight, and threw us all into a dark grave cave with a heavy stone over our entrance. I called out to God’s mercy on his people. This is our only hope for His church body in America – God’s mercy through His son, Jesus Christ.

TSC leadership and congregants see and acknowledge that the majority of Christ followers are bound up and put aside for dead. It is good to know that I am not the only one who sees the situation as it is. I think most local church leadership in our area do not acknowledge this publicly from the pulpit. I think that’s why there is still so little corporate prayer. How can God’s people repent themselves and pray for God’s mercy if they don’t see how dead they are? We may not be a cult but is a church without power any better? How many desperate people have come into their local churches for deliverance, freedom and healing but since nothing happens, they give up on our Jesus and just leave perhaps with a worse impression of the church and our Jesus?

As I live daily with my non-believing stubborn husband, and struggling and wayward teenagers, it’s very easy to “care with despair”. Lord Jesus, please have mercy on me and fill me up with the power of the Holy Spirit so that I can “care without despair”. I will stay and remain until Jesus you come to our local churches and homes and call us out from our graves. Perhaps our mom’s prayer group is simply moving the heavy stone that’s over our grave entrance. Anyway, I hope we moved the stone enough for dead Lazarus to come out. However, bringing the dead to life is only something that you can do, Jesus. I hope and pray that when you finally come to us Jesus, that I will have more faith and gladness to see you. Today, I feel sad with grief and despair like Martha and Mary. Please fill me with your joy and strength. 🙏 Thank you for your mercy today. I love you 💕 Jesus. You are our only hope!

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John%2011&version=NIV;VOICE

FYI – Howard did attend my church often in the beginning. I realize now that he only did it to make sure it wasn’t anti-Semitic or a dangerous cult.

The Holy Spirit keep showing me 444 more lately to encourage me that the days of Ezekiel 44:4 is coming to our church area. I wonder how long it has been since I wrote my blog post on 444. I should check next time.