It’s been a while since my last post. Here is an email that I shared with my prayer group ladies yesterday about Ukraine.

I sent an update to the people around me who have been brought in to pray for my Alex. If you have been praying then you also deserve to know too. Thank you for your prayers. 🙏❤️

It was my freshman year in spring semester when I took Psychology 101. It was in this class that I learned about mental disorders and the severity of mental illnesses that can lead to horrendous outcomes. It woke me up to the realities of these negative voices in my head and that listening to them would destroy my life. I just didn’t know how to stop the voices and too scared to ask for help in case I’d be placed in a state-run mental institution.

I’m reading an autobiography of a women who had an eating disorder for a long time. Her book is called “Brain Over Binge”. After many years of getting therapy and treatment without any improvement; suddenly one chance reading of a book meant for alcohol/drug addiction freed her completely. It is really remarkable how it happened. Her story brought to memory my similar experiences in finding freedom from the terrible voices in my head. Both of us stopped the voices from ruining our lives and we both did it without another human support and without God’s direct intervention.

After a week of knocking on doors and seeking help for Alex at a frantic pace, now I feel led to let her go again. Upon all my reading and hearing from experts on eating disorders, I believed I needed to be in close communication and supervision of Alex. However after few heated debates and arguments with Howard, I see that it is best to give her space and independence, especially since IU student health center is moving so quickly with her evaluation for treatment.

I am doing much better now. The prayers of many good friends, God’s word and my daily discipline of spending time in prayer and reading God’s word have kept me in the will of God and sustained my faith in this great storm. Jesus wasn’t surprised by this testing of my faith since a very seasoned believer came into my life right before the winter break to help me tremendously.

I’ve been searching and seeking for an eating disorder therapist since Alex’s pediatrician visit on Tuesday. The news reports are accurate; eating disorders have skyrocketed in our young people during the pandemic. Alex is placed on two waiting lists and many others haven’t even called me back. This morning she left for college. She was very icy with me and didn’t even say goodbye. It hurts a lot. 💔😢 A praying friend called me and prayed for us. It was so very nice since I had no words to pray with this morning.

2 Chronicles 16:9 – For the eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to show Himself strong on behalf of those whose heart is loyal to Him.

As we are dealing with Alex and her eating disorder, it’s been very difficult for us. I feel like walking through a field of land mines everyday. I am learning more to walk in the sensitivity of the Holy Spirit so that I don’t step on a land mine. I make mistakes and step on a land mine but by the grace and power of Christ, I recover and walk through the field again.

Dear Lord Jesus, please forgive me for harboring unforgiveness and bitterness in my heart against my husband. I see deep within myself that I blame him for waiting too long so we are helpless to help Alex now that’s she’s 18. What was in my heart came out last night during our conversation and I am so sorry. I’m not sure how to cleanse my heart; but I know that confession to You is the first step. You commandment is very clear about forgiveness and I desire to do your will. I ask you to help me Jesus because forgiving is a supernatural ability. 🙏